From Burnout to Breakthrough: A Story of Feminine Awakening

It’s the end of July, the height of tourist season and potential clients, and I’m in my fourth consecutive week of being unable to work. "But things were going so well!" I think to myself, grappling with disbelief, as I find myself in a struggling position once again.

Ever since I decided to leave the world’s largest intergovernmental organization, my life has been marked by challenges and phases of uncertainty. I went from spending $11 on a loaf of sourdough bread to at one point having just €3 left to my name, all in pursuit of a more authentic life that allowed me to be true to myself and live at a pace that honored my humanity—only to later realize that this choice came at the expense of my ability to secure food, clothing, and housing, basic needs that also honor my humanity. “Is there any way to win at life?”, I ponder.

Just as I believed I had finally found success on my own terms—living in paradise, in love with my community, and earning a living by being of service—the tower came crashing down. I developed tenosynovitis in my left wrist, rendering me completely unable to care for my material needs. “The left represents the feminine. The wrist and hand are what give and receive,” I analyze, attempting to understand what’s going on.

Here I am once again, wondering if I will be able to cover next month’s rent and questioning if that coffee at my favorite coffee shop is really necessary. Initially, it wasn’t hard to give in to the clear sign, telling me to take a break. I was full of trust and willing to surrender to the lesson it had to offer, secretly aching for a break. So, I laid on the floor for hours, went for long walks with my dog who also appreciated the slower pace of life. I allowed myself to be drawn by the tide of life, deciding what to do and where to go on a whim, and growing deeper connections with the people in my life as a result. I finally managed to be in bed by 9 PM, something that hadn’t happened in years despite my deep love for it - not since my last burn-out.

However, as the third week of not being able to work—and thus not earning any money—rolled around, my ease slowly started to dwindle. Existential fear for my survival replaced the joy of flowing with life. The uncertainty seems earth-shattering at times. Again and again, I ask myself, “What is the Universe trying to tell me?!” Impatience starts to rise inside me, a toxic elixir that has never brought about any good. On the contrary, it’s safe to say that impatience is the killer of all abundance and joy.

So, I sat down and pondered, “What IS the Universe trying to tell me?” Recently, a client told me, “Zerina, sometimes a pipe is just a pipe.” But that’s not what’s happening here, for in the background of my life, I can hear the wheels turning! Ever since I’ve had to take this break, I’ve reflected upon my relationship with my femininity and masculinity. I looked at relationships and I had the time, space and energy to be vigilant about how I want to show up in them. This seems to be a new chapter in an intention I set two years ago, asking to learn and grow through relationships, as I felt that my hermit path and the teachings it brought had reached their peak.

In this period of forced reflection, I had time to fully absorb the messages that serendipitously came from people, books, podcasts, and music. One of these messages invited me to make a vow to give up my right to castrate men forever—and I gladly did. As I put my newly acquired knowledge into practice—what it means to be in my feminine and to respect the masculine—miracles unfolded, men showing up for me in ways I never would have imagined possible. And I found a nobility I didn't even know I was capable of. Not being swept away by my emotions? That is possible? What a relief!

It seems I am being given the time to grow as a woman, to prepare and integrate lessons that will be vital for my future and mastery of a deep partnership based on reverence, commitment and love. I know many women who, like me, wonder why they haven’t found "the one" yet. Is there something wrong with us? Or another popular but extremely toxic train of thought: that all men are a**holes and of no use. My father wasn’t the greatest representation of masculinity and didn’t inspire much trust in the species of manhood. Naturally, I would have a tinted vision of men; and at the same time, I greatly enjoyed their presence, for I always cherished my many platonic friendships with boys and men throughout my life.

As life forces me to slow down and surrender, I am finally able to see people, appreciate my environment, and truly feel both myself and others. I’ve come to realize just how tired and exhausted I really was. This is my second burnout, something projectors like myself are prone to when we don’t heed our inner authority. Just like the first burnout, I am meeting myself again but at a deeper point within the spiral. Life and the process of healing and development are indeed a spiral, taking us through the same teachings but with an even richer understanding each time.

Instead of fighting what is—the injury, the break, the uncertainty—I am listening with all that I have. This time, it whispers age-old gems about the power of resting in my true feminine. Stay tuned for future posts where I will be sharing some of these precious insights…